Free Dumb: When Our Freedom Goes Wrong
Facebook Freedom Fighter
"We demand our freedom to restrict their freedoms because their freedoms are restricting our freedom to restrict freedoms!"
Welcome to Free Dumb
We've made it! We've found the section where we lovingly catalog all the ways we Albertans occasionally mistake inconvenience for oppression. It's like our museum of misunderstood rights, but with more truck nuts.
The Free Dumb Collection
Our Greatest Hits Include:
- Our freedom to make others uncomfortable because we're comfortable
- Our right to ignore facts that don't match our opinions
- Our liberty to demand service while refusing to serve others
- Our privilege of calling everything we don't like "communism"
- Our entitlement to park across four spaces because "freedom"
Common Free Dumb Sightings
The "Freedom" Convoy
- When blocking others' freedom of movement becomes "fighting for our freedom"
- Because nothing says liberty like making everyone listen to our truck horns
- Making our downtown neighbors prisoners in their homes to protest "our restrictions"
The Mask Rebellion
- Fighting for our right to spread particles
- Comparing minor inconveniences to historical oppression
- Believing our freedom to not wear a piece of cloth trumps others' freedom to breathe
The "Medical Freedom" Movement
- When "doing our research" means watching YouTube videos
- Treating our Google searches as equivalent to medical degrees
- Demanding hospitals respect our Facebook-acquired medical expertise
The "Traditional Values" Crusade
- Fighting to restrict others' freedoms in the name of our freedom
- Insisting our comfort is more important than others' rights
- Trying to make our personal choices everyone's legal obligation
Pro Free Dumb Tip
If our version of freedom requires taking away someone else's freedom, we might be doing it wrong.
Common Free Dumb Logic:
Our Greatest Logical Hits
- "It's our right!" (Citation needed)
- "Do our research!" (But not that research)
- "Let's wake up, sheeple!" (While following the herd)
- "We know our rights!" (Terms and conditions may apply)
- "It's just our common sense!" (Results may vary)
- "This is literally 1984!" (Tell me we haven't read 1984 without telling me)
The Free Dumb Calculator
How to know if we're exercising freedom or Free Dumb:
Freedom Test Questions:
- Does our freedom require taking away others' freedom?
- Is our freedom actually just the freedom to make others uncomfortable?
- Does our freedom mainly involve typing in ALL CAPS on Facebook?
- Is our freedom primarily expressed through aggressive bumper stickers?
- Does our freedom require everyone else to live by our rules?
If we answered "yes" to any of these, congratulations! We've discovered Free Dumb!
The Economic Impact of Our Free Dumb
The Real Costs:
- Lost productivity due to our pointless protests
- Healthcare costs from our preventable issues
- Economic damage from our reactionary boycotts
- Brain drain as people flee from our Free Dumb
- Our truck decoration industry boom
Common Free Dumb Economics:
- Boycotting our local businesses to "support the economy"
- Demanding job protection while opposing worker protections
- Fighting against our own economic interests to "own the libs"
- Refusing new industries because they're not our old industries
Economic Wisdom
Just because we're loud doesn't mean we're right. Our volume ≠ Our victory
The Bottom Line
Free Dumb is what happens when we forget that freedom comes with responsibility, that rights come with duties, and that living in a society means considering each other.
Let's Get Help
If we recognize ourselves in any of these examples, don't worry! Our first step to recovery is admitting we have a problem. Our second step is probably unfollowing some Facebook groups.
Remember: Real freedom lifts all of us up. Free Dumb just makes us all want to move to B.C.
Reality Check
Our right to swing our fists ends at others' noses, and our right to honk our horns ends at others' ears. We can figure this out - it's not that complicated.
